God Bless Hooky Street …… Guest post by SBC

-Some Tips On Avoiding Counterfeit Smokes & Tobacco BY SBC

As Smoking Hot has said many many times: His Blog is NOT about smuggling and seeks neither to promote nor condone criminal behaviour. The fact that the government forces people into the arms of the White Van Men does not excuse smuggling. Save up, beg or borrow some money and shop abroad LEGALLY.
That said however most of us probably DO have recourse to the Black Market at some point-if only to fill the gaps between trips (Hey Mr Chancellor, you do realize the more people can bring back “without let or hindrance” then the less they’ll buy smuggled goods, don’t you?).
And even those with delusions of honesty, who still have more money than sense and buy at Mr Patells, are increasingly likely to find themselves buying counterfeits.  About the only place you can be sure of getting the Real Thing these days is at big name supermarkets.
That said a lot of fakes are very smokeable and the only real difference is that they use lower grade tobaccos (often with higher nicotine contents etc). Its very rare these days to find fakes that aren’t actually made from 100% tobacco…although there are still some I’m sure but the counterfeiters learnt long ago that killing off your customers is not a sound business strategy.
I have even encountered one brand of Chinese ciggies where the fake was better tasting than the original and both were made in the same factory! Go figure.
Anyhows….
Last night before going to bed I opened a fresh pack of GV and rolled, as is my want, a couple for first thing in the morning cos when I wake up I’m not even Cro-Magnon let alone Neanderthal.
This morning then I stagger out of bed, spark up and suddenly my head starts spinning, cold sweat drips off my forehead and I have a feeling like I need to decide whether to pass out, throw up or simply die on the spot.
Toxic shock reaction maybe? After a night’s sleep the nicotine levels in your body have dropped and then the higher nicotine content in the ‘fake’ tobacco can simply be too much. The first smoke of the day makes a lot of people feel slightly light headed, this was just too much of a good thing I guess.
So once the room had stopped turning on its axis I checked the tobacco packet….and then all the packets I had in the cupboard.
Can you spot which is fake?

[The top one is the genuine]
The ONLY visible difference was the lack of serial number (almost impossible to photograph so I won’t).
Now the smuggler I use prides himself on the quality of his produce, which he transports himself from Spain. So this morning I went to see him to remonstrate. He was rightly shocked and we sat down to work out how it happened. He even showed me the receipts! Turns out one of his ‘bods’ had decided to use a little initiative and skim off the top by selling fakes.
There is no honour among…
So how DO you spot fakes?
Here my top tips:
* Price
The price is probably the single easiest and most reliable guide. Tell me what it will cost and I’ll tell you whether or not its kosher.
Tobacco costs  £4-5 in the Benelux, depending on brand. If someone is offering you GV with a BNL tax stamp at 5 quid a pack then it is FAKE. Smugglers may be heroes to many of us but it  is a business not a charity. There is no way even someone who is smuggling it in by the truck and trailer load can afford to sell it at just 50p above cost.
Small time hobby smugglers (ie your ‘mate’ down the pub) might knock it out at about £6.50 a pouch but  a more realistic price is £7-8.
Know your European prices, check the tax stamp and do the math. The only people who can offer ‘Dutch’ GV at £5 a pouch are counterfeiters.
 
ATM I’m paying £8.50 a pouch for genuine Spanish GV or £8 for a ‘Half Shag’ brand like Samson/Drum etc.
Same applies to Straights. A pack of premium smokes may cost a couple of quid in the old East Block but any smuggler is going to want to make at least a £1 profit on it. So ciggies that are supposed come from Bulgaria at £2.50 a pack are probably fake. Same with those ‘Duty Free’ labelled packs. Less than £3.50 for a pack of Marlboro? Dream on. Even packs from Outer Backwardstan or Nigeria cost at least £3 a pack after the cost of shipping.

*Packaging
The Fakers have gotten so good that it is almost impossible to tell a fake just by looking. Even Customs Officers can’t always tell.  More so because, in most buying situations,  you can’t really hold up the pack to the light and look at it.
The key to telling a fake pack is by FEEL.  You see, printing the packets professionally is fairly cheap. Once you’ve worked out the exact ink shade etc then you can run thousands of sheets very quickly and cheaply…especially when the person running the machine is a ten year old working for a bowl of rice.
What ISN’T cheap, quick nor easy, however, is E M B O S S I N G.

You think Marlboro cover their new 100s pack in raised micro dots to make it look ‘purdy’?

[think those dots are there to stop it slipping out of hand when drunk?]
Embossing is an art. I know because my very aged, supposedly retired, Father in Law still gets called in almost daily to the local printing works to do it for them because after about 1970 Germany stopped apprenticing Letter Press Printers. The tobacco print firms no doubt have their own specialist machines but for forgers things like embossing, stamping and perforating still mean using  old ‘Heidelberg’ letter press machines and it takes years of practice to get each sheet to come out exactly right time after time. Same goes for those stamped in serial numbers; it’s a hella lot easier and quicker just to have to stamp in the same number on every sheet.
Go into the nearest supermarket and buy a pack of whatever brand and then compare it to the ones in the carton you bought off that bloke in the market. On really good fakes you’ll notice that they even print the bits, that are supposed to be raised but aren’t, in such a way as to suggest that they are indeed embossed.
Hand rolling tobacco tends to come in hi-gloss printed plastic pouches these days and firms like GV have spent a fortune designing their packs. Not only to ensure freshness but to make them difficult to forge. Nine times out of ten you can tell a fake pouch simply by rubbing a genuine one between your fingers first and then testing the fake one. Dose the plastic feel right? Does it have the right thickness? Does the plastic smell off/chemically?
My own experience this morning is the exception that proves the rule. The fake pouch pictured above feels & looks EXACTLY right. Some counterfeiter has seriously upped their game.
Aside from that, printing on plastic is a bitch. Are all the letters ‘sharp’ or do they look like they had a close encounter with a washing machine?

*Taste
DUH!
Tobacco firms DO adapt their recipes for different regions but we’re talking, on the whole, about minimal changes. Yes an American Marlboro does taste slightly different to a European one but they are both still instantly recognizable as a Marlboro.
Chances are that if it doesn’t taste quite right then it isn’t quite right.  Too many people try and ignore it or tell themselves that ‘oh it’s a polish Marlboro, it probably tastes different’. Such self delusion is understandable, no one wants to have wasted £35-45 on a whole carton of fakes and only the really professional smugglers give refunds (no joke, some really do!).
*Serial Numbers & Tax Stamps

As with embossing, printing or stamping in serial numbers or tax stamp numbers in series is a pain and not worth the fakers time.

Most of you probably remember the recent ‘SHOCK! HORROR! SMOKERS ARE CRIMINALS AND SMUGGLERS ARE RAPING OUR LIVESTOCK AND STEALING OUR WIVES’ TV *cough* ‘report’ *Cough* where they showed whole sheets of BNL tax stamps where each stamp had the very same number.
It is tricky because every manufacturer does it differently but AFAIK each and every pack should have a serial number. Same goes for most tax stamps, again AFAIK.
Did you know that most tobacco firms are, in my experience, happy to tell you down the phone whether or not a serial number is kosher? A polite “Hi, I don’t know if you can help me but I was given a couple packets of Morleys by a friend and they seem to taste funny. Could you tell me if the serial numbers are genuine?” works well.
———–

Is the price asked realistic?
Are the embossed bits embossed?
Does it taste right?
Only buy one pack/pouch to start with and have a genuine one to compare to. That’s about the only way to really stay safe.

For all of you on a baccy run …..

Take care now 🙂

Guide to buying your tobacco/cigarettes in the EU

I ‘ve spent some time joking about on here but now back to the serious business. l’m putting together a comprehensive step by step guide together to help people buying their tobacco/cigarettes abroad. A lot of the info is on here but as the blog has grown it’s become a trial to find it, so with the help of Google pages l’ll rectify that.

l also intend to have up to date prices from various countries. For this l shall need help from other seasoned shoppers to supply me with such details as l don’t go to every country in the EU. Details of hotels, what shops to go to, transport etc will also be of help to others.

We have to help each other because sure as hell nobody else will. Just pm, comment or e-mail me with your info. Ta

Blogging will be light till l finish it.

Choose your words carefully!

l was once asked what would l deem the most important piece of advice when shopping for your tobacco/cigarettes in the EU and then being stopped by HMRC ( I refer to the legitimate shopper and not Mr l go everyday to Calais man)..Without a doubt it would be ‘Choose your words carefully’.

Let me explain, when stopped by HMRC you will be interrogated interviewed. First informally and then formally.
Every word you use has the potential of being used against you … and believe me HMRC will, if given the opportunity. lt’s up to you not to give them that opportunity.

The first thing you have to realise that despite how friendly the HMRC Officer seems … he is not your friend. Got that? … he is not your friend. Mr HMRC Officer wants you to think he is because he wants you to rabbit on because every word you utter has that potential of being used against you. Mr HMRC Officer wants to take your goods off you and wants YOU to help him do it. See, l told you he wasn’t your friend.

So what do you do? When you are first stopped, ask them why they are stopping you. Make them answer because they are not allowed to stop travellers at random for excise goods. This doesn’t mean that even if they do admit it was random that you will be free to go with your goods but it may come in useful later if your goods are confiscated and it goes to appeal. Especially if you accidentally had your mobile on voice record. Make them tell you for what reasons they stopped you or give it a damn good try.

After this you will probably be ushered into one of their screening interrogation interview areas. lf you’ve been partying whilst away, had too much to drink the night previous etc, got a hangover and suffering from lack of sleep, feel sick … tell them! lf you need the toilet … tell them. lf you need a drink of water … tell them. lf they refuse … insist and keep insisting.

lf your luggage is not x-rayed and they ask you what’s in it … ask for the officers id first . You need to know that they are really HMRC officers,don’t you? You don’t want someone in fancy dress asking you questions do you? When id is verified and they ask you the question again just reply  ‘nothing illegal, just personal’. Ask them what they are looking for. lf they don’t answer specifically … ask again. Remember, you are doing nothing illegal and Mr HMRC Officers are stopping you from going on your way. They have to tell you why they are stopping you. Again, give it a damn good try.

Eventually you will end up opening your luggage to show it’s contents and be at the same stage as if your luggage had been through the x-ray. When they now ask you about the contents, tell them what’s in it and they are your personal goods. At this stage they will try and ask you more questions …. this is the informal interrogation interview. lf you answer any questions here they will NOT be recorded or written down. Anything you say will be interpreted by them alone at a later stage if your goods are confiscated and it goes to appeal. lt will be to HMRC’s benefit and not yours because it will have become what is known as a ‘substantial statement’ … not good for you!

So, don’t answer their questions yet until you have demanded and got a formal interrogation interview (it’s coming anyway). Demand it till you get it. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Your reason for demanding this is that you want nothing left to misinterpretation. Your goods are on the line here, protect them. You are not refusing to answer questions but refusing to answer questions ‘off record’ that may be used against you.

You will eventually get to the formal part of your ordeal one way or another. They will read you your rights (HMRC call it a commerciality statement …. unsure if there is such a word but hey ho) which will end in ‘you can leave anytime’. You can indeed leave but not with your goods. Don’t be intimidated by veiled and not so veiled threats of court cases and prison. You have nothing to be afraid of, you’ve done nothing wrong! lf it’s not the same officer that you got id from … ask them again for identification. They will then ask you if you have any medical conditions that will effect your interrogation interview. lf there is tell them, if not say ‘no medical condition’ but don’t forget to mention your hangover, you drinkers you!

Personally l’d ask for this interrogation interview to be recorded but as yet have never got one. They just refuse to do it but my request does go down in their notebook … l make sure of it.

The rest of the questions come in no particular order and sometimes not all are used. When answering them, answer them factually and brief … don’t explain and make it into a bloody story. The more information you give them, the more they have to work with. Remember l said they want YOU to help them confiscate your goods? Don’t forget it.

They will question you about your finances … mortgages, utility bills etc etc. l can never answer these because l simply don’t know … they are all standing orders/direct debits and all l know at the end of the month is that l have so much in my bank account. I simply don’t know and that’s it, l have to pay them is all l know. Take advantage of credit cards if you can, l often use a credit card ‘personal reserve’ when available. lt
By using credit card/loans, your personal finances have little relevance as it becomes a simple matter of economics …. spend say £2K …. save £3.6K (based on personal use of 2 cartons a week, years supply 100 cartons, L&B £20 a carton EU, £56 a carton Tesco UK).Oh, and keep your receipts!

Another question is about  how many you smoke a day. Not something you pay particular attention to in life but failure to ‘know’ is seen by HMRC as suspect and will be held against you. Do your maths people, it’s as simple as that! l smoke about 60 a day (how can it be a definite figure?) so that’s approx 2 cartons a week therefore a years supply is approx 100 cartons. lf you smoke 30 a day that’d workout at 50 cartons approx for a years supply. You ‘roll your own’ guys do the same with your tobacco. They also come out with ‘Do you have any cigarettes on you now?’…  not forgetting a lighter of course. Same goes for you ‘roll your own’ guys but with the added request ‘Can you roll one now?’
Do l have to tell you about this?????

lf they try the shelf life of tobacco or cigarettes ploy of saying it’s 6 months or so ask them why they are giving you false information. Say … . ‘Are they lying or just misinformed? HMRC know the shelf life of tobacco/cigarettes is years and it is on record so why don’t they know?’

Questions about gifts, hence the mixed brands you brought? We all know when Xmas is and we all know when our family members birthdays are. Some of you may just know the month. Do yourself a favour and carry a ‘present list’ with you. You can buy for your wife, you are a married couple with shared expenses, bank accounts etc etc. Can’t definitely vouch for gay couples but l doubt if they dare question that because it would raise the question of gay rights, victimisation, homophobia etc etc.

Questions about how many times you’ve travelled. This infuriates me! … they’ve taken your passport and the airline/ferry company has already given them the details. Why the hell are they asking me? They already know. Same goes for if you are travelling with anyone … they already know, you checked in together etc! To avoid questions about who paid for the travel, please pay for your own and not your mates as well … even if he did give you the cash. HMRC don’t understand the concept of you paying for your mate and him paying you in cash. Don’t try this on your wife though! 🙂  As for number of times travelled, HMRC fail on purpose to grasp the fact that going abroad for a weekend in the EU is statistically cheaper than going away in the UK. They insinuate every trip abroad is a ciggie shopping trip. Another piece of advice here, when you do go away make it a couple of nights. You’ve paid for the flights etc so another night won’t break the bank and it’d be a waste if you didn’t in my opinion. Enjoy the experience, see the sights and take lots of photos (useful when needed), go to pubs restaurants where you can smoke … enjoy life!

When answering all of the above, keep your answers short and factual. Remain calm at all times and don’t get angry and threatening. Don’t rush your answers … take your time. lf you don’t know an answer simply say ‘l don’t know’ … do not try and make one up that you can’t back up because it will probably come back and bite you. lf you answer a  question and they then simply look at you and say nothing … don’t fill in the silence. This is a trick used by detectives when interviewing suspects. People are a strange, they feel a need to break the silence and so end up talking more … don’t do it. Wait for the next question. Remember l told you that they want YOU to help them confiscate your goods? Don’t forget! You people suffering with the hangovers etc … make comments about it through the ordeal with HMRC so it goes down in their notebooks. Ask for drinks, ask for smoke break, ask for toilet. lt all has to go down in their notebook. There may be other questions but the above are the main ones. Mr HMRC Officer is not an expert on questioning, they are merely using a formula that works for them in the majority of cases. This is because travellers are simply not prepared … don’t be one of them! lt’s sad that in this day and age you have to prepare yourself simply to go shopping and get bargains but HMRC have made you do it. You are deemed guilty by HMRC simply because you went shopping!

At the end of the questioning they will then go away and write it up. l’ve always tried to make them write the questions and my answers down during the interrogation interview.Write down question, then write down my answer, write down next question and so on. l demand it to be factual and not what the HMRC remember it to be. They will then ask you to read it and sign it as a factual document of the ordeal. l can almost never read
their writing so l get them to read it to me. Anything l don’t agree with l get it changed. l then attempt to read it myself. l then sign it with ‘I have read the notes and they are not my actual words and therefore not completely true’. Surprisingly HMRC have never picked up on this, either with me or anyone else. I know my writing is very scrawly and almost unreadable to anyone but myself.HMRC are so used to you obeying them that they can’t see that you signed it different to what they requested. lt simply does not cross their minds or eyes, they see what they told you to write and nothing more.

l’m not being devious here but how on earth can you sign it and say it’s a factual account of your ordeal? You’ve been questioned for a long time so it’s just downright impossible. Yet, if it ever comes to appeal/court, HMRC’s notebook account will be taken as factual. Of course if they recorded everything there wouldn’t be that problem, would there?

Your ordeal is almost over now. Mr HMRC Officer then goes away to make a decision  on whether to confiscate your goods or not. Oh, l forgot, before HMRC begin your formal questioning, ask the person who is questioning you if they will be the one making the decision and not some other person in an office making it wholly on the version given by the questioning HMRC Officer. You want the person who makes the decision to be one who’s questioning you, don’t you?

You then get the decision and leave with or without your goods (make sure you get a notice of the goods taken from you. Check the amounts are correct). lf it’s without … you will be going on to he appeal but that’s for another time.

They have little or nothing to keep your goods because … You chose your words well.

p.s. You can switch off your recording on the phone now. 🙂

27kg of tobacco (540 x 50gm pouches) bought by EU Shopper, stopped by UK Customs and still brought them home!

l’m going to blog about this very shortly. l’m waiting for a scan of the official HMRC/UKBA form he got issued with stating the amount he brought back home. Thought that would be a little more impressive than just blogging about it. lt will validate the post m’thinks. 🙂 Ties in with the P&O post

Update

As some of you will have noticed … l got it slightly wrong in the original post. The total is 27kg not 22.5kg which amounts to 540 x 50gm pouches. l’d missed the extra 4.5kg. 🙂 Now rectified

There’s a great deal of hearsay/rumours/false information on the net regarding what you can and what you can’t bring back for personal use from the EU. Most of it seems to come from what people have heard from ‘the man in the pub’ (those that are still open) or the ‘failed’ shopper who was totally unprepared when stopped by UK Customs.

The legitimate shopper is wrongly associated by default with the shoppers that are not legitimate. HMRC see no difference between shoppers at the border … period. lt is up to the legitimate shopper to be prepared for this. lf he doesn’t he will be like a sheep in a pack of wolves. The rights or wrongs of this do matter but it is simply a fact of life that at the moment this is the way it is. Will it change? … l doubt it.

So what you are left with is a potentially threatening situation that you have to deal with. You will be spending not an unsubstantial sum of money in order to save yourself a similar amount. lt’s just a case of basic economics. l find it strange that many people (mostly non-smokers) can’t see the logic of this. Yet, if you say to them ‘If you could buy petrol at 50p a litre and can bring back as much as you like for personal use, how much would you bring back?’ … a light seems to be turned on and understanding then comes to them. This then puts into context the HMRC’s ‘guidelines’ … using the petrol example, if HMRC said their guideline was 160 litres yet you could afford and transport 1600 litres … everyone would bring 1600 litres. There’s no difference when purchasing tobacco/cigarettes!

There are some HMRC Officers that understand this but they are in the minority l’ve found. Too often is the mindset that they must try and confiscate everything that is brought into the UK regardless of the circumstances. To this end, these officers will try to find any excuse to do this. One of the most widely used is ‘How often do you travel or have travelled?’. This is based on the assumption that everytime you travel abroad you bring back large quantities of tobacco/alcohol.

Or, put another way,  if you go to Asda and buy 2 bottles of whisky … everytime you go back to Asda you buy 2 bottles of whisky. lt doesn’t matter if you have to pop-in to Asda for just a bottle of milk … they assume you bought 2 bottles of whisky!

Travel abroad is cheap and in many cases cheaper than a weekend away in the UK and so people take advantage of it. They see and enjoy the sites and cultures of other countries. lt widens their understanding of different nationalities and in so doing removes a lot of prejudices. This is a good thing and there can be nothing negative about travelling abroad. Except of course … if you are a smoker! Your travels abroad will be held against you … period! Your motives will be questioned, your finances will be questioned, your employment will be questioned, your relationships will be questioned … and all because you are a smoker!

lt’s as though you have sewn on the arm of your jacket a symbol that ostracizes you from the rest of society. You are harassed, intimidated and victimised for being a smoker. The only sympathy for your plight comes from other smokers. Your rights and freedom to travel are constantly infringed. Whole coachloads are marched off coaches to be interrogated interviewed. lf you dare argue back they will interrogate interview you further … till you are blackmailed to either leaving your goods or missing your coach and then left stranded. lt matters not that you could even be a WW2 vet that fought against such tyranny … you are a smoker! Worse still is that if you are in your own vehicle it could be also confiscated simply on the whim of a HMRC officer … and left stranded in another country. This is a whim mind, no evidence is necessary … they simply only have to ‘believe’ that you are guilty. The ‘believe’ scenario is nothing more than an attempt at justification for any form of victimisation they deem to inflict upon you. Why? … because you are a smoker!

Don’t let them do this! Fight back!  lf you are going abroad to buy your alcohol/tobacco … go prepared and not with just a hope you won’t get stopped. Question them, ask for their name and number (often covered up by flak jacket), don’t be intimidated, question everything and most of all, don’t be subservient. All it does is empower them more. Take control from them … you do have rights so use them. They may put over to you that they have the power of life and death … but they haven’t. They only have if you let them so it’s up to you not to allow them to intimidate you. lf you don’t know how to prepare yourself … find someone who does and learn from them.

lt’s up to you!

HMRC may even give you a certificate proving you know your rights … see pic! 🙂

lt’s all in the words

Recently my friend got stopped by Customs.

Customs Officer “l need you to answer some questions”

My friend “Your needs are not my concern” 🙂

Listen carefully when being talked to by a Customs Officer or indeed Policeman or any official.

They seldom give you an order, it is more often than not simply a request but people hear it as an order because it comes from a person in a uniform

e.g. Official “Would you mind coming this way, please sir?”

Reply ” Yes l would mind, thank you”

Listen to the words!